


Take Me Under

by kradam_12321 (kay_elizabeth_roxx)



Series: Take Me Under [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-10
Updated: 2011-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-19 06:07:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/197771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_elizabeth_roxx/pseuds/kradam_12321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a visit to Adam's house, Kris gets a glimpse of what could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Under

Adam's guest room was hazy with the waning glow of twilight, the last muted bands of sunlight striping the bedspread. Kris had been in this room before, had spent many a night sleeping in that bed.

  
 

Adam's home had always naturally fit his personality, through things as simple and seemingly inconsequential as a spiked jacket draped over the back of a chair. But something subtle tinted the atmosphere now, complementing the space that was once solely Adam's, and, in a way, Kris' as well.

  
 

The couch they had spent many a long night on watching movies together showed signs of two regular attendees now, the throw pillows shoved unceremoniously to the ground. The rich scent of homemade cooking lingered in the air, foreign before now to any dwelling of Adam's, as he rarely managed more than Chinese takeout and ice cream by himself.

  
 

It had the unmistakeable air of a well-maintained home, where lovers curled up beside each other simply for the pleasure of being together. Kris would know—it was what he and Katy had had, before their final, inevitable disintegration.

  
 

“Put your stuff down, babe,” Adam said from behind him, the casual pet-name rolling off his tongue. “Come out into the kitchen with us.”

  
 

Adam called all of his friends 'babe'; there was no illusion of special intimacy there. Kris had heard him use the same endearment towards his lover earlier, however, in such a way that it might as well have been a different word altogether.

  
 

“Sure,” Kris murmured, dropping his duffel bag and guitar case onto the bed. His hands were buried into his pockets soon afterward, and he turned around, returning Adam's bright smile with a small, tight grin of his own.

  
 

Adam would probably just assume that he was still upset over the divorce. But it had already been six months since he'd signed the papers, and it had been a long time coming besides. He wasn't thinking of Katy anymore when nighttime came, the darkness stealing over his empty home, his empty bed.

  
 

Kris entered the small, eat-in kitchen to find a small blond man hanging up the phone, smiling over at them.

  
 

“I just ordered a pizza; I hope you don't mind,” Sauli said in his accented English, approaching Adam. He was only a tad bit taller than Kris was, which meant meant that, when he hugged Adam, his head would fall just exactly where Kris' used to. “We didn't have anything easy to make in the fridge.”

  
 

“That's fine,” Adam smiled, pecking him on the cheek as they migrated to the living room. Kris willingly took the armchair, giving Adam and Sauli full reign of the couch. The pattern of the fabric under his hand suddenly became very interesting—Sauli was sitting very close to Adam, smiling warmly up at him.

  
 

“So, what's going on with you in the studio?” Adam asked, and Kris shrugged. “Nothing much” would be an accurate answer—his writing had dwindled to a few disconnected chords and snatches of dreary lyrics here and there. But something would have to be put together.

  
 

He was currently scheduled for a three month block of recording in LA. He would only be staying here for one night, two at most, just until his manager found him an apartment to rent.

  
 

“I...have a couple of song ideas I want to get down,” Kris replied. “I go in tomorrow at eight. I should have an apartment soon, too.”

  
 

“You don't have to rush you know; you can stay as long as you like,” Adam insisted, flicking his hair back from his eyes. It had grown a little longer in the time Kris had been gone; it fell across his forehead in a silky wave, nearly obscuring his baby blues. “I've been so busy lately.... I haven't had much of a chance for company!”

  
 

“Except for Sauli, of course,” Kris said, turning the conversation to the other man in the room, silently reveling at his own masochism. “I hear you've decided to stay in the States?”

  
 

“For right now, yes,” Sauli agreed, smiling back at him, unaware of the tension setting Kris' face into an unnaturally stiff mask. “I'll probably return to visit my family in Finland in a few months.”

  
 

“Never been,” Kris replied, for lack of anything better to say. Quiet as he was, he was rarely one to clam up completely, and Adam was just beginning to look a little bit uncomfortable now, perceptive as always to the undercurrent of Kris' moods.

  
 

The last time Kris had talked to Allison, she had gushed for 15 minutes straight about the lunch date she'd had with Adam and Sauli. Coming from a skeptical 'little sister', the praise was immense—he was adorable, sweet, funny, and loved Adam with all his heart.

  
 

Kris knew her first impression was correct—he'd figured that out on the commute home from the airport to Adam's house. Sauli was everything Adam had been searching for, everything he'd thought he didn't have time or energy for. Kris saw the look in Adam's eyes when he looked at Sauli; he recognized it without question.

  
 

They continued with their idle chatter until the pizza came, then dug in, flipping on the TV to some Showtime feature that was Adam's newest obsession. Kris finished his pizza mostly silently, his eyes fixed on the broad HD screen. He knew what Sauli must think of him, presenting himself as he was, but every time Adam glanced at Sauli, Kris wondered again why he was here. He had never been a third wheel when it came to Adam, and now that he was, something was perceptively off-kilter, skewing their normally carefree banter.

  
 

Kris checked his watch soon after he'd finished. It was nearly 10:00. He pulled a yawn, which wasn't terribly hard to do—it had been a long flight.

  
 

“I'm gonna turn in for the night, guys,” Kris announced, standing from his chair. “I'll probably be gone before you're up in the morning...if Adam still sleeps in like he used to, that is.”

  
 

“I definitely still do,” Adam smiled, hugging him lightly. Sauli offered him a smile and a little wave, his eyes betraying his slight confusion. Kris turned around, scurrying out before his face could reveal his own buried emotions in response.

  
 

Kris dug his toothbrush out of his bag and quickly got ready for bed, raking a hand through his mussed hair and deciding to take a shower in the morning. He stripped down to his boxers, leaving the clothes in a pile by the bed. Adam used to yell at him for that, kicking them out of the way whenever he came inside.

  
 

The white sheets were cool and fresh against his body, but he tossed them away anyway, twisting and turning. The clock on the side table kept time for him in large, red numbers—watching them tick away to 11:00, 12:00, 1:00 was merely an exercise to numb his thoughts. It was nearly 2:00 when the TV in the living room finally shut off, and Kris listened idly to the muffled shuffling in the next room, pressing his face into the pillow.

  
 

The first noises made Kris' stomach jump, although he'd somehow been expecting them.... Maybe even waiting for them in a perverse way.

  
 

The thin walls first betrayed a small sigh, followed by the low murmur of Adam's voice. A louder, more obviously sexual moan followed, but was quickly muffled. Pressed into a pillow, maybe. He had forgotten that Adam's bed was set right on the other side of the wall—he imagined he could almost hear the soft noises of their kisses, the shifting of sheets as Adam undressed him in that commanding-but-gentle way Kris had always envisioned him to have.

  
 

Sauli was panting quietly by now, his ragged inhales interspersed with low notes of pleasure. Kris didn't have a clue what was happening, obviously, but the image burst into his mind of Adam's full, sensual lips wrapped around his— _Kris'—_ cock, tongue lapping at him with the abandonment of someone totally lost in the moment. He could imagine what those soft, freckled lips would feel like on his mouth, on that sensitive spot behind his ear Adam always used to stroke with his fingertips late at night, when Kris was half-asleep against his side.

  
 

The thought made Kris' dick swell a little between his thighs, and he shifted uncomfortably onto his stomach, throwing the pillow over his head with a noise of self-loathing. But the cotton couldn't drown it out, not with his ears already tuned in—Sauli was moaning helplessly now, stifled by clinging lips.

  
 

“Adam....” he whispered, although Kris could pick up every syllable, every hitch of his breath. He said Adam's name in a way that was almost unbearably intimate, in a way that made Kris want to pick up his things and flee. “Want you inside me... _now._ ” 

  
 

“I know, baby,” Adam murmured back, in that low, gravelly voice Kris had only ever heard him use once—that time behind the stage, during the Idol tour, when Kris had turned away from his hungry eyes for the last time, too terrified to address what was staring him straight in the face. He'd spoken like that to him then, asking a million questions with a single word— _“Kris.”_

  
 

The springs shifted suddenly next door, jerking Kris from his memories. Sauli choked on a breath, his voice grating over a litany of    
_“Ah. Ah._   
” The noises were soon muffled by reprimanding lips, bed creaking slowly as Adam breathed out a warning    
_“Shhhh.”_

  
 

Sauli quieted then, but the headboard still shook with a steadily increasing vibrating rhythm, choppy breaths filtering through. Adam was murmuring to Sauli nonstop, things Kris could imagine Adam saying to him, filthy things, loving things. His cock was throbbing between his thighs by now, dirty, sordid, his body taking some sick pleasure from the masochism of listening in.

  
 

He buried his face into the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut, hips rocking slowly, rhythmically down against the mattress. He unintentionally fell into rhythm with the low cries and creaking springs from the next room, feeling soft hands trail down his spine, gentle, tender lips pressing kisses to the side of his throat.

  
 

The noise from the other side of the wall finally reached a crescendo with one last, long cry of pleasure from Sauli, complemented by Adam's low growl of completion. Kris' body was trembling with a desperate longing by now, and he brought himself over the edge at last, hips stuttering as they pressed against the sheets.

  
 

Tears had soaked the pillowcase by the time he was finished, spilling out from eyes that were determinedly closed. A wet spot was spreading unpleasantly across his boxers, a filthy reminder.

  
 

His lungs felt strained with lack of oxygen, but all he could do was bury his face into his arms, hearing Adam's cry of fulfillment over and over again in his mind.

  
 

~

  


  
Sauli's legs clung to Adam's hips, his body still clenching weakly around his softening cock. The sensation was intense, and Adam made to pull back, beginning to roll off of him.

Sauli stopped him however, hand coming up to idly caress his face.

  
"Stay inside me for a while," he murmured, his sweet, fine-boned face glowing with the aftershocks of orgasm, but Adam shook his head, moving off to the side.

  
"My legs are cramping, babycakes," Adam explained, the lie slipping easily off his tongue. He couldn't exactly share the real reason he always withdrew after their lovemaking: he'd been imagining what it would be like to fall asleep inside a certain man for years.

  
"Okay. Love you," Sauli mumbled, turning his face to kiss him softly. Adam smiled and returned the sentiment, wrapping his arms around his waist and holding him close. Adam closed his eyes then, listening as his breathing evened out.

  
"I'm sorry," Adam simply murmured, once he was asleep, touching his stubbled cheek.

  
Adam could sense Kris in the next room, probably awake and disgusted with him. Adam  _had_ been the one to instigate it--he'd pulled Sauli close against his body, burying his face into his hair and inhaling him deeply.

  
He  _loved_ Sauli. He loved his sweet charm and beaming smile; he loved the way he never said no to anybody who asked him for help. But watching Kris leaning back in that armchair like he used to, curled there like it was exactly where he belonged, had made Adam feel like a stake had been put through his heart. He'd made love to Sauli with Kris in the next room, trying his best to lose himself, to forget. But Sauli's scent, and the sweet cadence of his voice, had failed, even now as he held him.

  
That night in the shadows of the stage, they'd tottered on the edge of some great precipice, eyes locked and throats working. But Kris had turned away in the end, walking off to his wife, his home, his life in Arkansas. They were the great relationship that never was, the cry of desire and fulfillment that would never be heard. He took Sauli because he was beautiful, took him because he was kind and filled the chasm Kris had left between them. The single wall that lay between them now might as well have been an ocean, a bottomless crypt of could-have-beens.

  
Their chance had come and gone, and some things, once denied, could never be regained.


End file.
